what a morning

1. woke up on the couch, lights on. 3rd night in a row without sleeping in my bed. surrounded by piles of homework, practically untouched.
2. email from B. took a full minute to catch my breath.
3. feeling clueless in latin class. hadn't done the homework, forgetting old stuff. composed responses to B.
4. literature class. again, lost and forced to be a spectator because I haven't done the work. kicking myself for falling so far behind, dreading the exam, hating myself for being such a selfish, uncaring butthead toward L.
5. class ends. my prof asks me to teach his intro lit class on friday. we'll be discussing a favorite story of mine, which B recalled to my memory just a few days ago. vaguely wondering about mysterious cosmic connections, flattered, excited, scared out of my mind, I accept.
6. a quiet spot by a large window. my headphones singing to me anthems of naalalula, I sit watching the falling snow and begin my latin homework. along comes L. greets me with a smile. (why doesn't he hate me?) shares some news, talks about the future. makes me four separate offers. I can't help but accept his friendship, at least. and would it be so hard to return the favor? he leaves, my head drops onto my knee. it's heavy and dizzy. it's only noon. watch the snow, catch my breath.
7. finished my latin homework. emailed B. walked home surrounded by white. blow-dried my pant cuffs. picked up pen and paper. exhaled.